I’m guilty of it. If you’re heavyset, you might be too.
I wear a shirt at the beach (and at the pool too). Yes, I said it. I’ve wasted far too many years worrying about what anyone else thinks. And my harshest critic has been me.
I’ve mastered the self-deprecating humor:
- “Last time I went to the beach they kept trying to roll me back out to sea.”
- “Beach body? I’ve got a beach ball body!”
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
I’ve mastered the art of hiding my shape.
- “If I wear a shirt, they won’t notice I’m fat.”
- “If I don’t eat in front of anyone, they won’t judge me.”
- “Baggy clothes make it look like a clothing issue, not a body issue.”
Well, let’s face it. I deceived one person. Me. And not for the reason you might be thinking.
Let’s clear the air here. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. And yes, it’s always a win to look into the mirror and like what I see.
Do you ever feel like I feel?
As it turns out, I’m making a change. Well, yes, I’m on a diet for health reasons, but the change I’m talking about is a change in my brain. I’m talking about my attitude toward myself.
The Experiment
We took a day trip to Cape Henlopen (next to Lewes, Delaware).
All around us there were guys with no shirts, girls in bikinis, and I was there in a shirt and hat. It really left me feeling out of place. And as I sat around, I noticed something…
Not everyone dressed in swimsuits was skinny.
I’ve been there multiple times, and I just never noticed. I saw a guy heavier than me proudly walking around in only a bathing suit. Did I miss a memo? I saw a plus-sized woman wearing a bikini. And I’m dressed like I’m ready to shop at Target? Something was definitely amiss.
So I did it. I tried a brief experiment to test my theory:
I took my shirt off.
Now this may not sound like a huge step to you, but for me it was the equivalent of jumping off a bridge with a bungee cord attached. And then it happened…
Nobody noticed.
For nearly 30 minutes I sat on the beach, on the blanket, with no shirt on.
Nobody laughed, and nobody pointed. And then it dawned on me.
I’m not trying to impress anyone, and the only person who really seemed impacted by me shirtless was ME.
My negative thought patterns are going to change. Why? I deserve to feel positive about myself, and so do you. You can check out our YouTube below for some great insight.
The Damage Self-Deprecation Causes
It can be funny, at first, to make a comment about yourself. Often, it can be an icebreaker in conversation. And the occasional little self-deprecating comment may not seem bad. But there’s a few things you really should know. What seems like a funny little comment now (which in my case I’ve used throughout the years with multiple people) is damaging to the brain. The brain doesn’t get the concept of real versus not real.
Imagine someone comes up to you with a plate full of lemons. Go ahead, try it.
They slice the lemons right in front of you.
They hand you a lemon wedge.
You put the lemon in your mouth.
It’s terribly sour.
For most people, what happens is that although the above events never happened, just going through this little imagination exercise makes your mouth produce extra saliva. Your brain was preparing for the sour lemon, even though it was completely fictitious.
One of the worst things you can do is to beat yourself up mentally. Often it’s a sign of depression. And being hard on yourself doesn’t help. If anything, it just keeps dragging you down in the swamps of sadness. Yes, you got a chuckle from someone after your comment. But you have to look at you in the mirror. You have to look at your accomplishments. And you have to face up to areas where you haven’t succeeded yet. Was that chuckle worth it?
You are so much more than where you pick on yourself.
For me, it’s weight. But I’m a proud father of two, husband to my amazing wife, and I hold two masters degrees as well as a certification in life coaching. I’d say I’ve done quite a bit of things well over the years. So why beat myself up over the weight? It just doesn’t make sense.
Cut the negative comments and focus on some positive affirmations as well. You may not 100% believe them all yet, but you will see a difference over time in how much better you feel about yourself. You’re self-image is more important than how anyone else sees you.
The Benefits of Self-Compassion
So what exactly is self-compassion? Self-compassion is what it sounds like, but it’s almost a foreign phrase to many of us. Dr. Kristen Neff is one of the pioneers of studying self-compassion. I recently watched her in a Ted Talk. She talks about the need for self-compassion, and frankly, it just makes sense.
It’s ironic that we spend so much effort trying to be nice to others, but we aren’t kind to ourselves. We forgive others who did something to us, but we can’t forgive ourselves. We see the beauty in others, but we struggle to see our own beauty..
If you can willingly be kind to others, why not be kind to yourself?
Practice self-love. Learn to allow yourself to be human. All humans share the ability to make mistakes, and although it’s not bad to push yourself and motivate yourself to work on the parts of you that don’t make you happy, this doesn’t mean you should beat yourself down.
You can see some great ideas for practicing self-love here, from our previous article. One of the best practices you can do daily is to spend some time and keep a gratitude journal. Just focus on what you are grateful for.
You can journal with pen and paper, or on any number of free apps out there (I use Positivity, which is free). You can do it in the morning or before bed. Some people even stop every couple of hours and reflect on one or two things they are grateful for.
Another great tool that’s free to you is to use affirmations. Pick an affirmation or create your own. Write it down. Repeat it to yourself throughout the day. Replace the negative thought with your positive affirmation. You’ll feel much better about your day when you do this routinely.
You can get our affirmation list for free with no strings attached simply by signing up with your email now (just to the right of this post).
